Read Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me by Ben Karlin Andy Selsberg Nick Hornby David Rees Online


Relationships end and even the most callow among us take something away. That's what this books is about - whether it be major life lessons, like 'If you lie, you will get caught', simple truths like, 'Flowers work', or something wholly unique like, 'Watch out for the high strung brother in the military'....

Title : Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9780446580694
Format Type : Hardcover
Number of Pages : 223 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me Reviews

  • Justin
    2019-04-06 04:35

    Anthologies can be kind of repetitive, with entry after entry harping on the same tired theme. The theme for Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me feels particularly uninspired, as the topic of men bitching about women is arguably the most prominent in the history of literature. But the credentials of editor Ben Karlin (co-editor of America: The Book) combined with the book’s impressive list of contributors (Andy Richter, Stephen Colbert, Neal Pollack, more) piqued my interest all the same.The hilarious David Wain, (writer/co-star of the short-lived Comedy Central show Stella) kicks things off early on with a short screenplay about romantic flakiness in the age of cell phones. Wain’s offbeat comic details read almost better on paper than they sound onscreen. “I met you the other night at that party?” the protagonist says to his crush at one point. “Remember I sat on the plate of cupcakes and had to take off my jeans? And we laughed, and then we made out?”Other highlights include Pollack’s “Don’t Come on Your Cat” (title = self-explanatory); the brilliant Sam Lipsyte’s “Notes Towards A Unified Theory of Dumping”; and fiction writer Bruce Jay Friedman’s “She Wasn’t the One,” in which the protagonist learns to appreciate his current flame by visiting an old flame.In general, the pieces written by actual writers read well, while the pieces written by performers read like something that belongs in front of an audience. Patton Oswalt’s essay about strippers could be a good outline for one of his standup routines, while Stephen Colbert’s expletive-filled “The Heart is a Choking Hazard” is a one-joke pony that wears out its welcome after the first paragraph. A lewd critique of the vagina from the Mercury’s own Dan Savage is funny enough, but will offer nothing new to those who read his column. Things’ title is ultimately deceiving: if we men actually learned anything from getting our asses handed to us by the ladies, we probably wouldn’t keep crawling back. Failing as an educational experience, the book however succeeds as a metaphor for actually being dumped. It’s intermittently interesting while you’re in it, but looking back, you wonder how it ever happened at all. JUSTIN W. SANDERS

  • Chloe
    2019-04-11 06:40

    I heard this in its Audiobook format, which probably led me to appreciate it more than I otherwise would have. Having each author read their short essay was perfect, especially with such instantly recognizable voices as Patton Oswalt, John Oliver and Will Forte. It's a very short read, even the audiobook was barely over three hours long, but one that will have you chuckling all the way. I particularly liked Dan Savage's ode to the vagina that scared him out of the closet and Larry Wilmore's "my new baby hates me" essays.Nothing that will stick with you for too long, but funny enough to distract you from your day to day cares.

  • Jennifer
    2019-03-23 04:39

    I know what you're thinking and no I am not and was not a lesbian, not that there is anything at all wrong with that. I picked up this book at ye old Costco, simply because of some of the writers names on the cover: Nick Hornby, Stephen Colbert, Bob Odenkirk, Andy Richter, and Dan Savage, to name a few. Also, I secretly wanted to know what relationships were like for men. As a straight woman, you never can tell. Men are simple in their thoughts and emotions - NOT SIMPLETONS - just not as complex as women. I've always admired that. They are straight to the point - no f-ing around.But could I be wrong?After reading this book, I not only started thinking I just might be, but I also regained faith in men and relationships. One thing, as a married woman, I was glad to never have to miss was the dating scene. The big evil tumultous rollercoaster of does he or doesn't he and what does this really mean? Many of the men in this book are now married. Much like a peak into Rob Gordon's head in High Fidelity, we get a glimpse into the minds of some very funny men, as they all begin to realize that life is a serious of mistakes and tests that teach how to live it to the fullest - how to truelly be happy in life and love.The book can't help but make you smile and laugh out loud, even in its most uncomfortable or depressing parts.So good, I read it in 4 days. Man or woman, don't miss this book!

  • Sandra
    2019-04-18 08:00

    As any other anthology some contributions are funnier than others. I was in need of a quick, humorous book for a 24 hour toppler (readathon) and it did the trick.

  • Hannah Garden
    2019-03-20 01:43

    Eh. I'd hoped this was going to be hilarious and insightful, but all the humor was pretty much the same thing all the way through--low-grade irony and drab self-flagellation. Buncha weinerdogs.

  • doreen
    2019-04-07 07:50

    This is a great read. The writing from most of the contributors is funny, interesting and enjoyable; I think there was only maybe one or two works that were sort of "meh" for me. On the whole, I found myself very engaged in the writing, having finished this book in two days (I took a break to watch the first disc of Pee-Wee's Playhouse).The formatting of each essay/anecdote differs, including comic-strip contributions and and illustration (Marcel Dzama!). My favourite entries include "Lesson #9: Women are Never Too Young to Mess with Your Head" by Larry Wilmore (written in diary form) and "Lesson #6: Don't Come on Your Cat" by Neal Pollack (it made me a little sad).All in all, a good collection of short essays and other works giving insight into the complications of relationships.

  • Valerie
    2019-04-14 06:54

    I was expecting much more from this book. Edited by Ben Karlin - former editor of The Onion, former executive producer of The Daily Show and co-creator of The Colbert Report - this book should have been a rip-roarin'-romp through male inadequacy and insecurity. It started out strong, but somewhere along the line it became the male version of chick lit: dick lit. And boring to boot.At first, it was good for a few laughs. But then I laughed less. And got bored. And maybe started to skim a bit. And then started to think about what I was going to read next... while I still had it in my hands, "reading" it. Not a good sign.It gets three stars from me for the four-star stories that started the book, averaged with the two-star stories with which it closed.

  • Anastacia
    2019-03-19 05:42

    This was one of the funniest books I have ever read, and it's one I will reach for many times to read again. A collection of humorous short stories by some of the funniest, wittiest men of our time, this is a book that never fails to cause me to laugh out loud until the end.The book is a collection of essays written by hilarious men such as Nick Hornby, Stephen Colbert, Bob Odenkirk (who discusses why nine years is the perfect amount of time to be in a bad relationship ("by year nine you try everything, including depression and deep boredom"), Patton Oswalt (who realizes that his crazy, stripper ex-girlfriend helped him appreciate his wife), Dan Savage ("I Am a Gay Man", wherein he finds that women can be detestable, and learns that he doesn't have to fake being straight or join the priesthood and can instead just be a gay man). It's a collection of stories that both sexes can appreciate, as everyone has experienced the pangs of young (and older *cough*) love which so often ends up unrequited or just simply just never begins in the first place. We've all had our hearts broken, but these guys make us - guys and girls alike - laugh about and appreciate our own stories (if not just simply make us sigh with relief that it could have been worse).These are the boys we didn't notice in high school but are kicking ourselves for it now. These are the men we love.Update: I read some of the reviews written by others and was really surprised. To each his or her own, for sure, but one thing I did want to point out is that I think it is one that transcends gender - the book is comprised of essays written by men, but I don't consider it a "guy's book," or "dick lit." I think it's just *funny.*

  • Jamie Collins
    2019-04-05 08:01

    This is a pretty weak collection. I ended up skimming over several of these essays. I expected better from Dan Savage (his books about his family are very good). David Wain's entry composed entirely of cellphone conversations was good. I also liked Patton Oswalt's essay where he explains how a past relationship with a crazy stripper puts his minor quibbles with his wife into perspective. And Ben Karlin's mom's forward was better than Karlin's essay.

  • Books Ring Mah Bell
    2019-03-27 02:50

    done. chucklelicious. I was not sure who half these people were, very funny men. easy and quick. just like your mom.

  • Elevate Difference
    2019-04-08 05:38

    I have a love/hate relationship with liberal publications, like the New York Times, that discuss progressive issues and at the same time print articles that seem to use stone age mentality to “prove” the differences between women and men. I am forever intrigued by science’s never-ending love affair with sexual dimorphism, and articles with the headlines “What Do Women Want?” and “Varying Sweat Scents Noted By Women” seem to fill the pages of publications every day. I have a similar love/hate relationship with Ben Karlin’s collection of essays, Things I’ve Learned From Women Who’ve Dumped Me, which expounds on gender differences for the sake of humor and, at times, offers a bit of insight. I am not alone in my intrigue because, unsurprisingly, this book is a national bestseller.It also comes as no surprise that the “I” in the title refers exclusively to men, as heteronormativity runs rampant in this book. With the exception of one essay, written by Dan Savage, most of the essays detail the faults and failures of previous relationships and how those relationships prepared the dumped ones for marriage. Marriage is a reoccurring theme in these essays, and it is depicted as the final, succeeding goal for most of the men. Not much seems to be learned in these essays, as the men just realize ways to finagle their way into a less demanding, more comfortable relationship.While the matters mentioned above encompass the latter part of the love/hate relationship, there is the part of me that loves to read a book like this. As it is a humor book, I release the hold of my feminist lens a bit, and relax into what is otherwise an engaging book. Part of me is curious what the average, mainstream male thinks today of their relationships with women. This book is not so much a birds-eye-view into the hearts and minds of men, but more of a carefully crafted, one-sided story of woe, and nonetheless an honest exposure of feelings. While many of the essays rest on age-old stereotypes, some essays reveal insights that are often overlooked in the discussion of men and sexuality. In the opening essay, Dan Vebber discusses his lack of sexual drive and utter fear of intercourse, Andy Richter writes about coping with male body issues, and Rodney Rothman tells a tale of teenage heartbreak. It is essays like this that make this book unique and unlike the common portrayal of gender dynamics that is present in contemporary media.This book offers readers more to think about than the average easy read, while still maintaining its funniness and fluidity. You might not learn much from this book but it is at least a fun way to further your love/hate relationship with indulgent gender commentary.Review by Krista Ciminera

  • Christopher
    2019-03-27 23:43

    I threw on the audiobook to kill a slow day at work. All the writers read their own pieces, which, if for nothing other than hearing John Oliver slag Nick Hornby, is worth it. The best pieces come from where you'd expect - David Wain dealing with a perpetual stander upper; Bob Odenkirk detailing his Nine-year Bad Relationship Plan; Dan Savage coming to terms with his sexuality; Stephen Colbert's heavily redacted (by his wife) reminiscence of a fellow waitress; and the mighty Patton Oswalt's supremely funny account of the two months he dated a stripper - but if nothing else the book turned me on to Neal Pollack, whose ode to his dead cat lead me to this take down of the pre-scandal James Frey: (language is very NSFW, so you've been warned, Grandpa). Todd Hanson's piece "Things More Majestic and Terrible than You Can Imagine" also rang true for me, and I definitely identified with many of the basic themes (dating girls who are way out of your league is not always fun; relationships built on infidelity will end that way; "unless you want someone to hate you forever, don't tell them you love them like a friend ... if you're going to love them as something that isn't a boyfriend, tell the you love them as a walking dildo"), as I'm sure most men do, but this book is mostly forgettable, if a pleasant way to kill time in the cubicle. I think I just wrote more about a book about which I don't care than Lolita or The Idiot or Infinite Jest or I'm just the worst and I'm going to bed.

  • lp
    2019-04-03 06:46

    Bad. Disappointing. And further evidence that Stephen Colbert is not funny in print. A piece by Patton Oswalt was quite amusing, in which he realizes how awesome his wife is particularly in comparing her to his ex-girlfriend (a terrible, violent, uneducated stripper.) Actually, now that I think about it, Damian of Kulash, Jr. (of OKGO) had a pretty sweet (as in aww) piece, and Adam Schlesinger (of Fountains of Wayne. I know.) did an interesting and humorous breakdown of a cheesy love song. Oh, and of course Dan Savage's essay was great. Wow, it sounds like I liked this book right now. But wait. Colbert's was unreadable. David Wain is an idiot if his piece is anywhere near an accurate reflection of who he is. (David SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. KILL ME NOW.) And who is Rodney Rothman? He called up his first girlfriend, who didn't even remember him, and basically just typed out their rather boring conversation that I don't even think she cared about. That essay was a long- ass motherfucker, too. Damn. Okay, I'm done.

  • Kimberly Ann
    2019-03-19 23:46

    Oy ve! Where did they get this many whack-jobs?So, I want to tell you, these are Not the type of men I'd be with! They are in no way, shape or form even qualified as mensch. More like, schlemiel...clueless.What's more is all of these guys are now the pride & joy of their mammalas! All are now very successful comedians! But did I find them funny, well not at all...... I'm thinking, that this book written by men is for men...because I honestly didn't get what they were talking about.....Do I blame the women who dumped them? Nope not at all, several of the guys were overly neurotic.And when I looked them all up in Google Images: Oy, I gotta tell you they all have that meshugga look about them, that wild eyed crazy man look like Jim Carey.....TBC.....

  • Oriana
    2019-04-08 02:45

    Meh and meh and meh. This is pretty much what you'd expect -- a bunch of moderately clever dudes being self-deprecatingly funny -- except less funny than you'd hope. Despite a whole lot of filler, there are some some great moments, like when Andy Richter calls the people who run television networks a bunch of "gutless cunts" or when Dan Savage describes his first time putting his finger in a vagina as it feeling like "a large, lukewarm piece of lasagna with hair". David Rees is funny. Will Forte and Todd Hanson are kind of funny. Bob Odenkirk is a little funny. Adam Schlesinger is clever. Most of the rest of this is just decent, but at least all the essays are really short.

  • Patrick
    2019-04-17 07:54

    Really funny collection of essays, including, but not limited to: Bob Odenkirk's transcription of part of his seminar: "9 Years is Exactly the Right Amount of Time to be in a Bad Relationship," Stephen Colbert's would-be heart-warming story that is all but completely blacked out by his wife's marker to keep things private, Will Forte's reminiscence of a girlfriend who kept riding off on another guy's motorcycle but kept insisting they were "just friends," Patton Oswalt comparing his wife at her worst to an ex-stripper girlfriend at her best, Andy Richter, David Wain from "Stella," and more.

  • Kim
    2019-04-02 06:45

    I'm not sure why I kept reading this book. Maybe because each essay was by a different author, I had hope it would get better. Nope. This book made me have nightmares about junior high school. Only a few of the essays were even remotely illuminating, interesting or funny. The entry by Dan Savage (yes, of Savage Love) was ... um ... eye-opening, but I guarantee you it will make any woman who reads it feel ugly and disgusting, even though that is really not his intent. Go buy something else, such as "How to Remodel a Man," which even though it's not practical, it's very funny.

  • Marissa Morrison
    2019-03-28 08:03

    This book was surprisingly dull and morose, considering that most of the contributors are humorists. What many of the writers learned is that breaking up hurts and they don't have a clue about what went wrong with their relationships. Only a handful of the pieces (like the ones by Dan Savage, Will Forte, and Stephen Colbert) really held my attention.p.s. I don't know why my review says "spoiler alert" at the top; I didn't put that there.

  • Amy
    2019-04-09 05:46

    My husband I listened to this on a car ride. We expected it to be a comedy, and while some of the short stories were humorous, overall, it was very disappointing. We didn't laugh, and we found ourselves skipping over most of the "chapters" because they were just crude and not funny. Very disappointed especially with all of the contributors.

  • Ciara
    2019-04-19 02:58

    **********2.8/5**********It's something for us, girls, to read.

  • Katie
    2019-04-02 03:33

    A collection of essays from male comedians and writers about dating, relationships and their issues with women. Some of the contributions were entertaining and others not so much. I laughed out loud a couple times, but not quite as often as I hoped. Overall a quick, light read with a little something fun for anyone who has ever dated anyone, ever.

  • Trevor
    2019-04-15 07:53

    I was hoping for more laugh-out-loud stories, and while there were many smiles, I ended up feeling a little down -- these are stories wrought with insecurities, damages, and regrets written within plenty of self-deprecation -- It had me, and will have others (guys and girls), reflecting on past romances that left their psychological welts and fond memories behind.

  • Felicity
    2019-04-08 04:54

    Eh.I thought there was going to be something interesting or at least funny in this book. I really found neither.

  • clare
    2019-04-04 03:55

    At first I was like, "oh, how cute. Men are sensitive and insecure etc." Eventually I found myself thinking, "Where are your huevos?"

  • Chelsea
    2019-03-26 01:00

    Great audio book, with essays read by the authors (very funny men, with some witty observations on dating -- usually unsuccessfully).

  • R.
    2019-04-09 07:35

    Highly recommend Paul Simms' "I'm Easy" which can be read at The New Yorker under the title "Four Short Crushes":

  • Alberto Lopez
    2019-04-02 23:39

    Interesting but not much more. It's like driving by a car crash. You know it's wrong to look but just can't stop doing it.

  • Sarah Blumenberg
    2019-03-20 04:36

    Hilarious, quick read.

  • Erica
    2019-03-24 23:44

    2.5 stars really...meh.

  • Alexander Kelley
    2019-03-28 05:47

    Had several laugh-out loud moments listening to the audiobooks.